Posts tagged ‘sex’

May 8, 2012

Marriage Debate

by pastortimfowler

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lel4nd/6168801346/

I don’t usually blog about stuff that is controversial or things that people can possibly disagree with me on, but today I am going to. In my neighbor state of North Carolina they are voting on an amendment to the state constitution that will make marriage between a man and a woman the only legal and recognized form of marriage. It has been very interesting to listen to the talk about this issue. Some people get all freaked out about it and the arguments are often to the point of being ridiculous and even funny. My favorite is the one that says, God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. How silly is that? We all know that Steve was not created until after Jesus walked on water.
I figure that sometime between now and the end of the week I will get asked what my opinion is about this, so I am jumping ahead of the game and putting out my blog before I am even asked.
My opinion is just that, an opinion. I am not the final authority, although I should be. Things would just be so much easier if everyone agreed with me. My opinion is not really an opinion but rather a question. What has been the definition of marriage for as long as there have been marriages? Merrian-Webster Dictionary has given this definition for as long as it has been in print: the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law. There is a 2nd definition that includes same-sex marriage, but it was added within the last 30 years or so. There was a time when no one would ever think of marriage any other way. For thousands of years that is what marriage was. If two people lived together, as lovers, that did not mean they were married. In some states there was a provision under the law called common law marriage, so that people who shared an estate for many years had certain rights, but it was not an official marriage to those people. Why do we need to change the definition? Perhaps there should be another descriptive word for same-sex couples who legally or ceremonially join as a couple.
If we change the definition of marriage because someone doesn’t like what it means, where do you draw the line? The definition of a word that is as old as marriage should not offend people. It was never meant to. I don’t like the word bald meaning no hair, so I think I want it to mean I have hair. Change the definition and I am still bald.
The real argument is not about a definition, but about civil rights afforded to two people who live together. Why not just change that law instead of the definition of the institution of marriage? I could care less if that happens. But we all know that it goes deeper than that. Marriage is something that most people relate to a religious argument. The only religion that I have personal knowledge of and its teaching about marriage is Christianity and from what I understand, it too describes marriage as the union of a man and a woman. Many of the laws in most civilized countries have a religious foundation, including murder and stealing. But many laws have no religious bearing what so ever. Traffic laws for instance have nothing to do with a religious teaching at all. They are made by man for man (and women).
My point is this. If people of the same-sex want to be legally equal in the benefits and rights given to a couple of opposite sex, then make a law to give those rights. Don’t change the meaning of marriage. It has meant one thing for far longer than this modern argument has been going on. Our country has a system in place to help those who are overlooked, by-passed, or even purposefully mistreated. Legislators can amend constitutions and correct injustice, but it doesn’t have to be done by changing a definition. We did not change the definition of slavery to free those who were wronged, we changed the law. A slave is still someone who is owned and controlled by another human.
So that is my blog on the controversial subject being voted on in my neighboring state. Remember that I said that it would be better if everyone agreed with me. Don’t make things difficult, just agree. And by agree, I mean, think like me, act like me, be like me. Later I may try to come up with a word that we can use for same-sex unions that I like. Until then, I will only use marriage to describe a man and a woman, legally able to file taxes as married people. Don’t be hatin’; its my blog.

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December 5, 2011

Born Gay?

by pastortimfowler

Every time I open my messages on Facebook and see one from “my friend” I cringe. Here is her latest subject. What about homosexual relationships? What does the Bible say about them? Are people born that way or do they choose? What do you think about gay marriage and gays raising children? Thanks my dear friend. No one will be able to get upset about this one.
Some of you are probably wondering why I even accepted the challenge to blog about this. I could have just ignored the question or answered it privately. But I chose to blog about it because there is no reason for Christians to not be able to express how they feel or be able to say what God says about anything. So tighten your seat belts and let’s do this.
My first task I think, is to answer the marriage thing. Merriam-Webster’s defines it as this: a (1) : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law. Now if you continue to look there are other definitions that have been added through the years to include same-sex marriage, but this definition has been the one that has been accepted for hundreds of years. It also meets the biblical definition of marriage and as far as what is legally acceptable as marriage, this fits too.
So I do not believe that gay marriage is right. For as long as humans have been around, marriage has been defined as a man and a woman. Why all of a sudden do we have to change the meaning just because a certain group of people wants to? It would be like deciding to call 2+2=5 because someone decides that they wanted it that way. Call a gay couple something else, but not a marriage. There is no place in the Bible that tells two members of the same-sex to live together as a couple in holy matrimony. The Bible is not old-fashioned because God has decided what marriage is to be and He has not changed His mind. So, gays living as a married couple is not biblical. And by the way, neither is a man and a woman who are not married, and that will be addressed later.
As far as gays raising children, I don’t believe that it is the best situation.  It would be best for the birth mother and father to raise the child. But I do know that children need love and that anyone can love a child. Some good friends of mine, who are gay, are raising children, and in both cases, these children are well-behaved, loved, and certainly much better off than if they were in an orphanage somewhere or with a couple who did not love them. No biblical problems here.
Now to the big issue, are people born this way? I can’t give a definitive yes or no, but, let me explain. All humans are born in sin. No one has to teach a child to lie and lying is a sin. Sin is the driving force in the human flesh. It is selfish, pleasure centered, and totally against God. Without the power of the Holy Spirit, humans are unable to defeat sin at any level. We have all sinned and come short of the glory of God. Because we are all born with a sin nature, that sin will manifest itself in our lives somehow, someway, somewhere.
The Bible is very clear that sex outside of marriage is a sin. That includes adulterous sex, pre-marital sex, promiscuous sex, homosexual sex, sex with animals and any other sex you can name. Sex is not love. Sex is God’s way of humans reproducing and for married couples to express intimacy. Keep in mind that I am writing from the premise that God is the one who made and defines marriage and the limits of sexual morality, not man. He is the one who is holy and He is the judge of mankind. What we humans think is right has nothing to do with what God says. Our feelings are not the moral judge, God is.
I condemn those who treat gays with hate and malice. Jesus loves them. He died for the sins of humanity, not for the pretty church people. The sin of one person is no greater in the eyes of God than the sin of another. The blood of Jesus was shed so that sinners like me could be forgiven, learn of the love of God and grow in love and understanding of who He is. Because of this, Christians are to love others in the same way and not put a sin above another.
Putting the sex issue aside, heterosexual or homosexual, if sex of any kind were taken out of the picture as the sin issue, we are all still sinners of some sort. Born that way, but not bound to stay that way. I am now a sinner, saved by grace, who has a Father in heaven that loves me. Not because of what I did, but because of what God did when Jesus died on the cross for my sins and your.

August 5, 2011

Marriage Is GREAT!!!

by pastortimfowler

I really want to say something about married life. I have attempted to write this several times now but keep getting to the point of being way to wordy. It is hard to talk about something that you believe in so much and keep it short and sweet. Too many marriages are definitely short, but sure not sweet. It breaks my heart to see young couples throw away their marriages because they are too proud to get help before it is too late. But maybe one of the reasons they throw away their marriage is because they don’t have the hope that comes from hearing about marriages that are successful. So I will take a few minutes to tell about a hugely successful marriage; mine.


We have been married for 31 years now. I can not imagine not being married. We have been through a lot, but always end up stronger for the trials that we went through.
I continually tell people who my wife and I are the best of everything for each other and I mean it. Listed below are few examples.
I have the best conversations with my wife. There is no one I would rather talk to about our problems or anything else. We solve problems together. Not always quickly, but always together. We have learned that the way things are said often make the meaning of what you say different. For instance, if I say I need to buy a blue shirt, that means at the closest store that sells shirts, I will be in and out with a blue shirt within 5 minutes. When she says she needs a blue shirt, it means a full day of shopping and she might come home with a blue shirt. We understand these subtle differences because we love to talk a lot and there is no one we love talking to more than each other.
I have the best fun with my wife. Don’t jump to the conclusion that everything we do for fun we do it together. I believe couples need time apart for the different types of fun that they enjoy, but I never have more fun than when I am having fun with my wife. We plan our anniversary each year around a week-long motorcycle trip. Sometimes we don’t plan the ride, only the destination. We love seeing new places together and laughing at the stupid things we end up doing together. We camp together, and even if there are grandkids with us, we have fun together. She even fishes with me occasionally and I go to bookstores with her from time to time. But the bottom line is we have more fun with each other than with anyone else.
I have the best fights with my wife. That sounds like a negative, but think of it this way. That usually means you are passionate and who better to be passionate with? It also means that we know more about each other than anyone else does. No one can push those buttons better than we can because we know what buttons to push. Fighting is normal in a marriage and even intense fighting. I am not talking physical fights. I don’t fight with anyone that way. I will kick your butt if you mess with my wife, but that won’t be much of a fight…just saying. One thing we always do is make up after a fight. And we make up better than with anyone else.
Close your eyes if you are easily embarrassed now. We have the best sex life together too. Sex is a wonderful gift that God allows married couples to have. He even tells us that we get to own each others bodies. Sadly, this is one area that couples fall apart at over the years. They get too busy, too tired, and to distracted to keep this area fresh and exciting. Media makes sex into something perverted and purely physical. But God says it is much more than that. He tells us that it is a key instrument to a successful prayer life…1 Corinthians 7:5 Don’t withhold yourselves from each other unless you agree to do so for a set time to devote yourselves to prayer. Then you should get back together so that Satan doesn’t use your lack of self-control to tempt you. Outside sources of sexual stimulation, (movies, tv, pictures, etc.) should not be allowed in you sex life. God tells men to rejoice in the wife’s body, not fantasize the she is someone else. Sex is not the only factor in a successful marriage but is an important one. There is nothing wrong with letting other married couples know this, within reason, because too often it is lied about to make people think that after marriage, sex ends or becomes boring. In fact, marriage should be the only time for sex and it should be the best with your spouse.
I guess the most important thing that we are the best at together is our spiritual lives. We serve together and worship together and pray together. Our church knows we do this together and we promote other couples to become involved together in growing spiritually. Every individual is created by God to know Him and learn of His love. When two people get married, we become a living example of Christ’s love for the church for the whole world to see. That is what the bible says in Ephesians chapter 5.
There is nothing better than a great relationship with God and there is nothing better than your marriage to show that to others.
Marriage is great, not easy, but if your spouse is the best of everything to you, yes, marriage is great!!!