Posts tagged ‘Mars’

June 4, 2012

Sorry Mars

by pastortimfowler

http://www.flickr.com/photos/anniewong/112799109/

My last blog of last week was barely posted when I started getting replies. The very first reply was supportive and joking in response to my rebuttal of an article that I read on how we would have people living on Mars by 2023. So I could not wait to see more replies. Much to my surprise, they began to get nasty. Imagine my feelings, as fragile as they are, and how they must have hurt with some of your responses. There must have been a disconnect between the humor and sarcasm toward the article that I was writing about and the people who thought that I was being hateful and disrespectful to “green” people and the occasional vegan. To those who had their feelings hurt and might have been offended, I am truly sorry and will be very careful to never offend little green men from Mars again. No, wait, I mean “green” people who think that batteries are somehow better for the environment than my gas guzzling truck, which I love.
To the vegans who were offended or had their feelings hurt; I am truly sorry and will be very careful to never offend little green men from Mars again.
My dad once told me that if you had to explain a joke then it was not a good one or that you told it bad. My dad left off another possibility…Maybe the audience is too stupid, no that isn’t how you spell what I am trying to say. Umm, Maybe the audience is too self righteous…no that isn’t how to say what I am trying to spell. Well never mind. I guess some people just don’t appreciate or can not understand my supreme intellect when dealing in humor or they are too focused on themselves to be able to understand sarcasm. Either way, it was a fabulous blog filled with great jokes and sarcasm.
I love “green” people. I once sent a whole box of batteries to a the recycling place after I found out they don’t work if you mix them in the gas tank of your lawn mower. See, two attempts at being green in one failure. I even give some of my tax money to support the two electric recharging stations that are at the county park and no one can park there except people who own electric cars. I have seen one parked there in the months since they were installed. I am not sure if it is because people can’t afford electric cars or can’t afford to drive them after paying way too much for them or maybe they ran out of battery power before they got to their free electric charging station that I am helping pay for. You know, I was just thinking, I bet the won’t have that problem on Mars.
I love vegans too. In fact we have one that comes to our church. She is so cute when she gets angry. But I checked with her and she said that everything that I said in my blog was perfectly said and that she wouldn’t change a thing. At least that is what I think I heard her say. But I would have no problem with a meatless Mars; seriously.
I am glad that I got to clear all of this up and everyone is now happy again. I knew it only take one more blog to fix what you were thinking. Thanks for being so patient with me and for understanding. I do feel much better now. So to celebrate I am getting in my truck and driving to the farthest store in town that sells beef jerky and I am going to come home and eat it while I crank the AC down a few degrees so that I can enjoy it after I finish running all of that bad gas out of my lawn mower.
One last thing…I heard absolutely no complaints from talking robots, Klingons, or Romulans. I appreciate them more and more with every blog.

June 1, 2012

Life on Mars

by pastortimfowler

Mars_2007-11-17_003.JPG

WARNING<<<The following blog should be read at your own risk and the writer is not responsible for any blown gaskets and strokes that it may cause>>>
I just read an article that says by 2023 there will be humans living on Mars. I have a hard time getting too excited about this because when I was a kid we were told that we would be there before the year 2000. In fact, we were supposed to have flying cars and robots that clean the house and talk to you. I don’t know how many remember this but 2001: A Space Odyssey was a 1968 movie and everyone knew that space would be home for humans.
The Jetsons had flying cars and a talking robot that cleaned their house. They didn’t have to walk anywhere because all the sidewalks moved. They didn’t even have to dress themselves because the robotic arms did it for them. They all worked at either Spacely’s Sprockets or Cogwell’s Cogs and the only had to push buttons because everything else was automated.
Star Trek had us living in deep space just a hundred years from now. We will have Vulcan friends who only deal with things logically. It won’t be as nice as what the Jetsons have because of the new enemies we will have; Klingons and Romulans. But there will be some incredible green woman who takes control of you because of their pheromones. My wife will have a hard time with that one, but because she loves me, I think she would paint herself green to keep me happy.
Lost in Space was another show that told of deep space human habitation. They too had a robot that talked even though it looked like a trash can with drier ducts as arms. Most of what they dealt with seemed to be monsters if I remember correctly. I really didn’t care for that future as much as I did the Jetsons.
I always thought that before we could travel into outer space to set up colonies that we needed to be visited by little green men. I know that many think that we already have been visited, but I mean where everyone knows it and they have like an embassy here or they have completely taken over and made us slaves. I personally believe that aliens do visit here on a regular basis. They do this when children turn 13 and they suck their brains out. This happened to each of my children.
I hope that we do get to build a colony on Mars. I would love to start a church there and send many of my “favorite” members there. They could help start the church the way they want it and I would be back here on earth where I could care less how screwed up things get. And all the “green people”, not the aliens who visit us, but the ones who say we are destroying this planet, can move to Mars and make sure that we don’t destroy it too. Maybe they all could move there and give up on earth and then I could burn coal and drive my truck in peace.
Sadly, I think all my vegan friends would move there too. Because there are no animals on Mars, they could only take plants for food and they could all live happily ever after while I stay here and eat bacon and other delicious meat products, cooked over my coal powered stove. I would be glad to send my share of most vegetables with them as my sacrifice to their happiness. With Vegans and “green people” living on Mars, then we would have more room for people who want to have large cook outs with burgers, hot dogs, and ribs, all covered in bacon.
I feel better now that I have come to grips with reality. My next deep space project will be to find a place where politicians can go. Oh wait, I think you already know where that might be.