Posts tagged ‘man’

May 16, 2012

It Is Not Good For Man To be alone

by pastortimfowler

http://www.flickr.com/photos/55935853@N00/3342210932/

Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.
God knew that man did not need to be alone and I got to thinking about that. What is wrong with us being alone? Here are a few scenarios that I came up with.
1. The garden of Eden would have had a man cave. Man caves are places where men don’t worry about things that women tell us not to do. In a man cave, if you need to pass gas, you just do it. You don’t need to blame the dog or a child. Adam would have had the dog there, and because there would not be a woman, there would have been no children. But we wouldn’t need children, because instead of blaming the dog, we would be competing with the dog. Not only the dog, but without a woman around we could bring in the hippos. What man has not dreamed about having a hippo submit to our superiority, especially when it comes to passing gas. I mean, if you can get that to happen, then it would be time to bring on the king of the beasts, the lions.
2. Not only could we pass gas as we please, but we could have our own horse racing in our man cave. I struggled with what sport to watch because without women there are no other guys, so that means no football, but God did make horses and the garden was big enough for the man cave to be whatever size man wanted it to be and therefore horse racing would be in high def. live in front of us. And if the horses make a mess, no one is around to tell us to clean it up right in the middle of a race. In fact, we could go out after the race to get some munchies and clean up the mess when ever we want to.
3. The garden would have female monkey mud wrestling. Some are thinking why not have this sport in the man cave? Duh…a man needs to go out every now and then. And if we are going out, can you think of anything better to do if the aren’t any women? I know it’s not the same as what some of you are used to, but you also don’t have a wife to get mad at you for going to female mud wrestling. And instead of dollars, they would do it for a banana and because you are in the garden of Eden you have plenty of those.
4. Because men like to fix things, and women like to complain about us not fixing things, or how we broke even worse what we were supposed to be fixing, we would walk around making lists of improvements that we would get around to doing. Everything that God made was good, that’s what the Bible says. But every man knows, that with a little tweaking, we can make anything better. I am not sure if God would actually let us fix anything, so a list would be the next best thing. Making “to do” lists is as good as fixing anything. Men feel like we have accomplished a lot when we have a big list of things to do. Here is a list of things to do in the garden, without woman.
Pull up all those flowers and plant trees that have vines hanging from them. They look more manly and we can later swing from them. But we would need to dig a big hole and fill it with water around some of the trees so we could jump off the vines into the water.
Next we would need to get rid of all those cats. Men just don’t need them. After all, the mice God created were good, so no need for cats.
Then someone has to figure out how the duck-billed platypus works. So we would start taking it apart as soon as we build a table and some shelves to put the left over parts on in case we need them for a later project.
Finally, we would get back to work on the man cave, because we are going to need a wall to put a TV on when they get invented. You know that without a woman, a man must have a TV, with remote.
Now you know why it is not good for man to be alone. Thanks God, for that woman you gave us.

May 8, 2012

Marriage Debate

by pastortimfowler

http://www.flickr.com/photos/lel4nd/6168801346/

I don’t usually blog about stuff that is controversial or things that people can possibly disagree with me on, but today I am going to. In my neighbor state of North Carolina they are voting on an amendment to the state constitution that will make marriage between a man and a woman the only legal and recognized form of marriage. It has been very interesting to listen to the talk about this issue. Some people get all freaked out about it and the arguments are often to the point of being ridiculous and even funny. My favorite is the one that says, God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. How silly is that? We all know that Steve was not created until after Jesus walked on water.
I figure that sometime between now and the end of the week I will get asked what my opinion is about this, so I am jumping ahead of the game and putting out my blog before I am even asked.
My opinion is just that, an opinion. I am not the final authority, although I should be. Things would just be so much easier if everyone agreed with me. My opinion is not really an opinion but rather a question. What has been the definition of marriage for as long as there have been marriages? Merrian-Webster Dictionary has given this definition for as long as it has been in print: the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law. There is a 2nd definition that includes same-sex marriage, but it was added within the last 30 years or so. There was a time when no one would ever think of marriage any other way. For thousands of years that is what marriage was. If two people lived together, as lovers, that did not mean they were married. In some states there was a provision under the law called common law marriage, so that people who shared an estate for many years had certain rights, but it was not an official marriage to those people. Why do we need to change the definition? Perhaps there should be another descriptive word for same-sex couples who legally or ceremonially join as a couple.
If we change the definition of marriage because someone doesn’t like what it means, where do you draw the line? The definition of a word that is as old as marriage should not offend people. It was never meant to. I don’t like the word bald meaning no hair, so I think I want it to mean I have hair. Change the definition and I am still bald.
The real argument is not about a definition, but about civil rights afforded to two people who live together. Why not just change that law instead of the definition of the institution of marriage? I could care less if that happens. But we all know that it goes deeper than that. Marriage is something that most people relate to a religious argument. The only religion that I have personal knowledge of and its teaching about marriage is Christianity and from what I understand, it too describes marriage as the union of a man and a woman. Many of the laws in most civilized countries have a religious foundation, including murder and stealing. But many laws have no religious bearing what so ever. Traffic laws for instance have nothing to do with a religious teaching at all. They are made by man for man (and women).
My point is this. If people of the same-sex want to be legally equal in the benefits and rights given to a couple of opposite sex, then make a law to give those rights. Don’t change the meaning of marriage. It has meant one thing for far longer than this modern argument has been going on. Our country has a system in place to help those who are overlooked, by-passed, or even purposefully mistreated. Legislators can amend constitutions and correct injustice, but it doesn’t have to be done by changing a definition. We did not change the definition of slavery to free those who were wronged, we changed the law. A slave is still someone who is owned and controlled by another human.
So that is my blog on the controversial subject being voted on in my neighboring state. Remember that I said that it would be better if everyone agreed with me. Don’t make things difficult, just agree. And by agree, I mean, think like me, act like me, be like me. Later I may try to come up with a word that we can use for same-sex unions that I like. Until then, I will only use marriage to describe a man and a woman, legally able to file taxes as married people. Don’t be hatin’; its my blog.

June 8, 2011

All Natural

by pastortimfowler

The all natural craze of today really bothers me. I hear TV commercials that offer all natural remedies for everything. They usually say something that leads you to believe that because it is all natural, it can’t hurt you. I have news for you. Cobra venom is all natural and it can kill you dead. I understand the desire to be healthier and try to eat better and want to live longer, but all natural is not the cure-all.
One part of the big all natural movement is to eat only vegetables that are grown without the use of artificial fertilizers. The only problem with that is that the natural fertilizer is manure, or as I like to call it, poop. And poop is not good for you. That is why God designed living creatures to get rid of it in a way that did not include the mouth. The last two major e coli break outs were because the all natural farms growing the all natural veggies were using all natural poop.


Isn’t it weird that we will eat plants that feed on poop, but won’t eat a fish that doesn’t eat poop, but just happened to swim in a lake or part of the ocean that had sewage dumped in it. I would think that the all natural crowd would prefer this too.
All natural stuff for the most part, is a ploy to make money. It takes far less money to get poop than man-made fertilizer. Even if you are buying all natural meat, I believe they call it free range, that means the farmer is not buying processed feeds but rather letting the animals eat what is growing naturally. Shouldn’t that cost less? Why does all natural milk, which I like to call cow squeezins, cost more that cows fed with processed stuff and shot full of chemicals to make them healthy?
All natural man is nothing more than a man who is doomed to die and get sick because of sin, not chemicals. Our life expectancy is longer now than it has been since the days of Moses, because we have found un-natural ways to make humans healthier. But no matter how natural or how un-natural we think we are, God said that we are going to die and get sick. But God is a gracious God who allowed man to be smart enough to find artificial ways to fight disease.
Most people I know do not want an all natural anesthesia when they are getting ready for surgery. Most people want an artificial hip to replace their old worn out, natural one. And the antibiotics that work the best are not the all natural ones either.
If people who love the all natural movement are true to the cause they would not shave, they would not brush their teeth, they would not use birth control, (the artificial kind) nor would they watch TV, listen to electronic music, or cook with an electric stove. I am also glad that they are not true to the cause, because this blog is “written” using anything but all natural stuff. Why I am even using some artificial words in this blog just to mess with those who are all natural. WHOOPDY DO!
Not even our salvation is all natural. Can you imagine Jesus as a natural man trying to redeem the world? Natural man is a sinful man. Jesus Christ was not natural, He is SUPERNATURAL!
Give me some meat full of hormones and if there is arsenic in it, I want the fake stuff. I want my cow squeezins radiated and pasturated. I want my veggies grown with good clean fertilizer and no poop. I want my woman washed and smelling good with smelly stuff that kills all of the bacteria that would make her smell all natural and I want her to shave with the finest of artificial lubrication in the shaving cream to make her legs as smooth as a babies all natural butt. I want my man-made money to go as far as it can, as I purchase the things that keep hard-working chemists in America employed through this tough economic time.
And finally, I want all the SUPERNATURAL Jesus I can get, because when it comes to me, I am just better with Him than I can ever be all natural.