Posts tagged ‘green’

June 1, 2012

Life on Mars

by pastortimfowler

Mars_2007-11-17_003.JPG

WARNING<<<The following blog should be read at your own risk and the writer is not responsible for any blown gaskets and strokes that it may cause>>>
I just read an article that says by 2023 there will be humans living on Mars. I have a hard time getting too excited about this because when I was a kid we were told that we would be there before the year 2000. In fact, we were supposed to have flying cars and robots that clean the house and talk to you. I don’t know how many remember this but 2001: A Space Odyssey was a 1968 movie and everyone knew that space would be home for humans.
The Jetsons had flying cars and a talking robot that cleaned their house. They didn’t have to walk anywhere because all the sidewalks moved. They didn’t even have to dress themselves because the robotic arms did it for them. They all worked at either Spacely’s Sprockets or Cogwell’s Cogs and the only had to push buttons because everything else was automated.
Star Trek had us living in deep space just a hundred years from now. We will have Vulcan friends who only deal with things logically. It won’t be as nice as what the Jetsons have because of the new enemies we will have; Klingons and Romulans. But there will be some incredible green woman who takes control of you because of their pheromones. My wife will have a hard time with that one, but because she loves me, I think she would paint herself green to keep me happy.
Lost in Space was another show that told of deep space human habitation. They too had a robot that talked even though it looked like a trash can with drier ducts as arms. Most of what they dealt with seemed to be monsters if I remember correctly. I really didn’t care for that future as much as I did the Jetsons.
I always thought that before we could travel into outer space to set up colonies that we needed to be visited by little green men. I know that many think that we already have been visited, but I mean where everyone knows it and they have like an embassy here or they have completely taken over and made us slaves. I personally believe that aliens do visit here on a regular basis. They do this when children turn 13 and they suck their brains out. This happened to each of my children.
I hope that we do get to build a colony on Mars. I would love to start a church there and send many of my “favorite” members there. They could help start the church the way they want it and I would be back here on earth where I could care less how screwed up things get. And all the “green people”, not the aliens who visit us, but the ones who say we are destroying this planet, can move to Mars and make sure that we don’t destroy it too. Maybe they all could move there and give up on earth and then I could burn coal and drive my truck in peace.
Sadly, I think all my vegan friends would move there too. Because there are no animals on Mars, they could only take plants for food and they could all live happily ever after while I stay here and eat bacon and other delicious meat products, cooked over my coal powered stove. I would be glad to send my share of most vegetables with them as my sacrifice to their happiness. With Vegans and “green people” living on Mars, then we would have more room for people who want to have large cook outs with burgers, hot dogs, and ribs, all covered in bacon.
I feel better now that I have come to grips with reality. My next deep space project will be to find a place where politicians can go. Oh wait, I think you already know where that might be.

May 22, 2012

Green Stuff Up Your Nose

by pastortimfowler

Today I got to eat lunch with my son, his wife, and my 10 month old grandson. When we went into the restaurant everyone was making a big fuss about how cute the baby is. The hostess even said that he looked like me. That explains the whole cute thing, doesn’t it? I guess bald people all kinda look-alike. He has some hair, but it is so fine that he looks almost bald. Bald is cute, that is why I do it.
When I tried to tell the hostess, who first said that he looked like me and then said he is so cute, that he gets his cuteness from me, she snickered and then walked away.
Then the food came and his mom was breaking little pieces of stuff and giving it too him. He picked up a lot of food, but little made it into his mouth. I believe that it was a game for him. I looked on the floor and it looked like someone had blown up a firecracker in a plate of food under his high chair. I kept thinking, “how cute is that?” If I had made that kind of mess, my wife, the kids, and the hostess would have all asked me to leave. But because he is 10 months old, he can get away with it. Where is our president on this issue? Where is the fairness now?
Because he had missed his mouth so many times in the supposed attempt to feed himself, (I personally think he did it on purpose), dad had to feed him some “food” from a jar. I am not sure that this stuff is food. If it is, it looks as if it is being food again for the 2nd or 3rd time. It was this green stuff that would have better been served on an episode of Fear Factor. Several times I looked over at the kid and thought that I might produce my own green stuff. He had it all over his face. It looked like perhaps someone had blown up a firecracker in this tub of green stuff and help the kid’s face over it as it exploded. Some of it was even up his nose. I kept asking myself, where is the hostess now with all of her “he is so cute” talk. I know that if that is cute , he did not get it from me. The last time I had green stuff in my nose I was sick and no one thought I was cute.
Then the kid took both hands and smeared the green stuff all over his face. After that he grabbed his ears, rubbed his hair and tried to reach for me. At one point he even rubbed it in his eyes and I guess it was irritating because he kept on rubbing his eyes after that. All of this only took a minute or two. But to me it was like that time I had a wreck and everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Every time the green stuff was touched and then transferred to another part of the kids head, it seemed to be in super slow motion. And watching that green stuff just sit in his nose seemed like an eternity. Finally dad grabbed a baby wipe and cleaned him up. By then it was too late. The damage had been done. This kid who everyone was saying how cute he was had scarred me for life.
After he had finished “eating” and had been cleaned up, he had to come over and say good-bye to Mimi and Papa. Mimi is either a very sick individual or did not see the green stuff up his nose and over most of his face. I knew that there had to still be some of that stuff in his hair and was trying to see if I could find it, but Mimi was kissing him on that once green face and telling me to give him “good Bye” kisses. I could not find a spot on his face where I did not remember seeing the green stuff. So I closed my eyes and pretended to be kissing a fish that I was releasing.
As we were leaving, the hostess said “Good bye cutie”. I am not sure who she was talking to, me or the once green kid, but we both said good-bye to cover our bases. I thought to myself that she would not be so quick to call him cute once she went over to where we were sitting and saw the mess that the kid had made.
No one can be cute with green stuff up your nose.

October 25, 2011

Save The World?

by pastortimfowler

I was sent a disturbing email today from a friend whose company is circulating a warning to its employees about the new light-bulbs and their dangers. The pictures that went with it were very graphic and showed a person’s foot that had been cut by a broken bulb and how the mercury in these bulbs caused massive damage to the foot. I have to be honest with you, I would rather have the earth warm up a half a degree over the next 50 years than to suffer this kind of damage from a light bulb breaking. But nobody questions the “green” people, ’cause they are saving the planet.
When are we going to stop having knee jerk reactions to “science” that is wishy-washy at best. Are you willing to cut down on CO2, which is produced by every air-breathing animal on the plant, far more than our cars produce, and is absorbed by plants, which in return give off oxygen, (remember real science?) in exchange for light bulbs that contain deadly mercury? How does this save the planet? We quit making thermometers that used mercury because there is no doubt that mercury kills, but save the planet, kill the foot lights are okay?!?!
What about the electric car? Has anyone thought of the dangers that are going to come from these? First, the hypocrisy. “Green” people have been telling us about the evils of plastic for a long time now. How it sits in landfills for thousands of years without breaking down. Here’s an idea, leave it out in the sun for a few months and watch in deteriorate. But these same people want us to use lots of large batteries that are housed in plastic to run our cars. What about the chemicals that are in these plastic laden batteries? You mean to tell me that they are safer than the bi-product of us exhaling? I can’t wait for the interstates to be shut down for days due to hazmat teams having to clean up toxic chemicals from the two electrics cars that are saving our planet. I just hope the wind doesn’t ever stop blowing or it never rains again so that the clean energy needed to charge these cars save us from the evil fossil fuels that are reliable and not as toxic as the light bulbs we are being forced to use.
I read where global warming was real. The scientist had determined that the average temp in Antarctica had risen 1.24 degrees over the last 40 years. The average summer temperature there is -17.5 degrees Fahrenheit. So if that is the adjusted temperature for global warming, ICE STILL DOESN’T MELT! And if the average temperature in your neck of the woods is 65, 75, or 85, what changes in your life if now it is 66.5, 76.5, or 86.5? The answer is…nothing.
My dad taught me as I was growing up not to litter, not to pour oil down the drain, and how to keep my car running at its peak efficiency. He made sure that if we went fishing or hunting or camping that we left the place cleaner than when we arrived. I don’t believe in being reckless with our planet, but also don’t believe that humans can destroy it, short of an all out nuclear war. The Bible says that the planet will be here until God decides to wrap it up, not man. I am going to trust God over the weird science of today that is often tied to political motivations and government grants, oh yeah, that goes back to political motivations.
Its time that we began to use our common sense and not be afraid to question something just because it is popular. I love the new light bulbs for the fact that they last a long time. I like being able to make pigs out of watermelons and using the light bulbs as the pig’s tail. I am just not willing to blindly say that it is a better bulb because someone who overlooked the dangerous mercury in them, tells me that it will save the planet. I am not going to buy a car that runs off electricity until someone tells me that it is okay to walk through the chemicals that will spill out if I am in a wreck that busts these planet saving plastic encased batteries, AND…they can prove to me that rechargeable batteries in my car are better than the ones that I just through away because they only lasted 10 minutes in my flashlight. I don’t want to drive my 100 miles on a charge to find out I can’t get home because the next charge only takes me 90 miles.
Think about it.