Posts tagged ‘angry’

June 4, 2012

Sorry Mars

by pastortimfowler

My last blog of last week was barely posted when I started getting replies. The very first reply was supportive and joking in response to my rebuttal of an article that I read on how we would have people living on Mars by 2023. So I could not wait to see more replies. Much to my surprise, they began to get nasty. Imagine my feelings, as fragile as they are, and how they must have hurt with some of your responses. There must have been a disconnect between the humor and sarcasm toward the article that I was writing about and the people who thought that I was being hateful and disrespectful to “green” people and the occasional vegan. To those who had their feelings hurt and might have been offended, I am truly sorry and will be very careful to never offend little green men from Mars again. No, wait, I mean “green” people who think that batteries are somehow better for the environment than my gas guzzling truck, which I love.
To the vegans who were offended or had their feelings hurt; I am truly sorry and will be very careful to never offend little green men from Mars again.
My dad once told me that if you had to explain a joke then it was not a good one or that you told it bad. My dad left off another possibility…Maybe the audience is too stupid, no that isn’t how you spell what I am trying to say. Umm, Maybe the audience is too self righteous…no that isn’t how to say what I am trying to spell. Well never mind. I guess some people just don’t appreciate or can not understand my supreme intellect when dealing in humor or they are too focused on themselves to be able to understand sarcasm. Either way, it was a fabulous blog filled with great jokes and sarcasm.
I love “green” people. I once sent a whole box of batteries to a the recycling place after I found out they don’t work if you mix them in the gas tank of your lawn mower. See, two attempts at being green in one failure. I even give some of my tax money to support the two electric recharging stations that are at the county park and no one can park there except people who own electric cars. I have seen one parked there in the months since they were installed. I am not sure if it is because people can’t afford electric cars or can’t afford to drive them after paying way too much for them or maybe they ran out of battery power before they got to their free electric charging station that I am helping pay for. You know, I was just thinking, I bet the won’t have that problem on Mars.
I love vegans too. In fact we have one that comes to our church. She is so cute when she gets angry. But I checked with her and she said that everything that I said in my blog was perfectly said and that she wouldn’t change a thing. At least that is what I think I heard her say. But I would have no problem with a meatless Mars; seriously.
I am glad that I got to clear all of this up and everyone is now happy again. I knew it only take one more blog to fix what you were thinking. Thanks for being so patient with me and for understanding. I do feel much better now. So to celebrate I am getting in my truck and driving to the farthest store in town that sells beef jerky and I am going to come home and eat it while I crank the AC down a few degrees so that I can enjoy it after I finish running all of that bad gas out of my lawn mower.
One last thing…I heard absolutely no complaints from talking robots, Klingons, or Romulans. I appreciate them more and more with every blog.

February 16, 2012

Ezekiel Bread

by pastortimfowler

Did you know that the Bible tells people to eat bread made with human excrement? If you believe what the makers of Ezekiel Bread say, you may have even tried it. They actually make bread that uses human dung. The problem is that the Bible does not teach that the bread should be made with human excrement but would be cooked over it, and if you read the full details, it was not meant for anyone other than the prophet. And, God told him that he could substitute cow dung for the fuel for cooking this bread. I will explain the implications in a minute.
This was asked of me in a Bible study that involved several people who were unchurched, but became interested in a conversation that I was involved in. We were talking about weird food trends and I mentioned Vegans, because I know a few. They know I think that they are weird, but most of all, they know I love them and kid with them a lot. Some in the vegan culture believe that God wants us to be vegetable eaters and never eat meat. This is not biblical and from the time Noah got off the ark, God gave the okay to eat meat. Personally I just don’t think that there are enough vegetables that I could find that I would be able to sustain myself. I have never been much of a veggie eater. We mentioned a few other weird foods and that was when I was asked what I thought about Ezekiel bread.
This is a great example of how the Bible can be used to “prove” anything. If you do not read it all and you look for a few lines, you can make a case that the Bible says a lot of stupid stuff. But that is wrong and yes, stupid. There is no other book on earth that is used so out of context to prove so many points. I love it because even those who do not believe in the God of the Bible want to use the Bible, that is God’s Word, to prove their points to those who do believe.
Ezekiel is a book of prophesy to Israel warning them of impending judgement of God. God often used his prophets to give very vivid and visual examples of their sins. The law of Moses was very clear about the things that Israel could eat, and use in food preparations. They were given great details of things that they could not even come near or touch and human excrement is one of those things. So when God told Ezekiel to make this bread, it was made from basically weeds, to show the spiritual famine as well as the physical famine that God sent. Ezekiel was told to bind himself up and have this bread mixture prepared to eat in front of Israel and to cook it over his own dung in order to show His disgust toward Israel’s sinful ways. Ezekiel pleaded with God that he had not committed these sins and had always followed the food laws of Mose, so God said, okay, you can use cow dung. FYI, cow dung is a common fuel used by people in areas where resources are limited. This recipe and way of preparation was not given because it was healthy or pleasing to God, but rather because God was angry with the sins of the people and wanted them to see a visual image of how disgusting it was to Him.
My advice for people who want to follow a fad diets is that you check with your physician first. Many fad diets are not good for you and are derived from poor information that people get from places like the Bible in an attempt to give them validity. God is not as concerned with what you eat as He is with what you believe. He has given us the okay to eat a large variety of what He created. There are some things that we are allowed to eat that may not be as healthy as some may think, but remember this; God wants our souls healthy first and foremost. Even those who have the best of diets and exercise habits eventually die. If they have the perfect body but have never received forgiveness of their sins, when they die, all the healthy diets in world will not save them from judgement.
If you want to eat the bread that will save your soul, you must eat the Bread of Life, Jesus Christ. And that is not literal eating, it is for sure, spiritual.

April 7, 2011

Argue with a hot blond

by pastortimfowler

In Proverbs 21:19 it says that it is better to live in a desert waste land than to live with an angry woman. How smart is God?
If you know me, then you know that I love my wife. I call her a hot blond for her looks not because she gets angry. I am the “hot” one if that is the case. But what is funny is that no one else can get me to become as angry as she does. Many might question this as to how much I really love her if she can make me become that angry. I guess I should say that by angry I don’t always mean yelling, out of control type angry, but mostly the kind that would make you consider the desert wilderness as a good option type of angry.
People have asked me how we have stayed married for so long. My first response is that I have a goal of training the perfect wife and that takes time. But, sense that answer ruffles a few feathers from time to time, my other answer is that I am wildly, madly, passionately, in love with her, and she likes me. I believe that the definition of love in the Bible is the one to follow and not the superficial type stuff you hear about and see on TV. The Bible says that love is patient, kind, not self-centered, doesn’t keep up with faults, and most of all, love never ends.
In the years that I have been married I have found many faults with the hot blond. Most of them come out all at one time when she gets mad at something stupid I did. It really gets on my nerves when I am not the center of attention from her. I have convinced myself that I should be the object of her every thought and be the center of all of her attention. One day she will figure this out, so I will wait.
We do not argue that often. We pick at each other all the time though and consider it fun. So, because we don’t argue all the time, I have had more time to see all the things that I love about her and they far outweigh the things that get on my nerves. She is the best of the best of everything to me. The best lover, the best cook, the best nurse, the best mom, the best business partner, the best housekeeper (stretching a bit there). She is the best thing that God has every given to me. And she is a hot blond!
The other thing that she is the best about is fighting. She is my best fight. I can argue with her with more intensity than anyone. She gets on nerves that no one else even comes close to getting on. When we really get into it I have come close to thinking that my head would literally explode. She can and does say things that make me want to stick my head in the oven while it is on and leave it there. She normally doesn’t yell, she has “the attitude” and “the look”. Squinting the eyes while her head bobs and then finishes cocked to one side, looking like I am some kind of fool. Then she flips her hair and has the nerve to walk away before I finish my tantrum. But I have to admit she is hot when she flips her hair like that and like the song says, ‘I hate to see her go but I love to watch her leave’.
What I am trying to say is this. If you are married guys, your wife should be the best of everything to you and if you love her it does not end. She should be your hearts desire, your fantasy come true, and the love of you life.
The truth of the matter is this. I would rather argue with my wife for an hour than spend a weekend with any other woman in the world. Especially because I argue with a hot blond!

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