September 7, 2012
Our Cub Scout troop from our church is taking a weekend camping trip to the beach this weekend. Because my son has to work, I, Papa, will be taking the 7-year-old boy. I have the tent loaded up, sleeping bags, flash lights, munchies, laptop, and wireless card, all necessities for this trip, ready to go. I will be picking him up as soon as he gets home from school and driving 3 and a half hours to the campground.
Because I have to be back for church Sunday morning, we will only be staying the night and most of the day tomorrow. The others will be staying through to Sunday. On the agenda is a beach clean up. cook out, and some fishing. We will have a good bit of free time Saturday, so there is no telling what else we may do. I am trying to decide if I want to take the bikes and or the dog.
Those who know me know that me and kids are a weird mix. I love them and enjoy watching them when they are with others. So now I get to hang out with a bunch of them and get to spend the night in a tent with my own 7-year-old boy. I WILL HAVE FUN!
I am looking forward to fishing and taking the boy to the beach. If I take the dog, I look forward to trying to get her in the water. This is the little white dog and she is not a big fan of swimming, but loves to wade. I look forward to cooking breakfast in the morning. There is nothing like bacon and eggs cooked outside after a night in the tent. I am going to work hard and show the boy how to serve with a smile. I am looking forward to seeing how many strange pictures I can take and post on Facebook.
Last month I did a blog on how God was testing me and how for some reason I was being blessed with being around a bunch of Kids. Well, God is still blessing me. I have got to figure out what I am doing right. Perhaps it is time for a week of rebellion? Just kidding. I am learning patience and I am being given some time to make memories. After the death of my dog this month, God has shown me just how precious time with someone or something you love really is. So I am going to make the most of this. I am going to remember that when I was a kid, I didn’t have a granddad that spent time with me. I am going to make some memories.
So please pray for my patience and pray that I stay focused on the blessing at hand. Pray that I remember to laugh before I scream and only scream if I am having that much fun. Pray that the 3 and a half hour ride down there and back goes quickly. Pray that it doesn’t rain, but if it does, the wi-fi works. Pray that this time next year the 7-year-old boy remembers how much fun we had and wants to do it again.
August 15, 2012
So as you know, I watch a lot of TV. Okay, let me restate that; I am in the room where a TV is playing a lot. I pick up on weird things that are said and trends in advertising and especially love commercials and stuff like Pawn Stars and American Pickers. I have noticed that there is a term that is being used all the time now on many of these shows; “back in the day”. I know what it means and understand how it can be used in the shows like I just mentioned, but it gets to be annoying after you here is several times in a show. When they get an old item that is interesting they will say, “Back in the day, people use to…”
So yesterday I had my “back in the day” moment. The worst thing that can happen to a modern man, short of losing his I-phone, happened to me. My HDTV went out. It had been acting up for the last couple of weeks and I knew it was bound to happen, but it always comes as a shock when you press the remote power button and nothing happens. My mind immediately raced to the possibility of getting a new one, but then it raced to my wallet only to find it was lacking funds for a new one. So I had to start thinking about what to do next. So…
Back in the day, I use to work on TV’s. It was nothing for me to open the back of one and pull out my meters and troubleshoot the problem down to a component and then replace it. So I grabbed my tool box that had no meters in it, and pulled out my Phillips head screwdriver and began to open the back of my HDTV. Once inside I saw the beautiful new digital circuit boards and realized that I had best remember that I worked on a different style of TV, back in the day.
I then went to my computer and googled trouble shooting HDTV’s and found a consensus that it was probably the power supply board and that I could order one for much less than I could buy a new HDTV and the cost of the board was closer to what was in my wallet too. So I placed the order online, which is something that I never did back in the day, and sat down to stare at a blank screen on my HDTV. Since the part I ordered was going to take 3-5 days to be delivered, I found myself with another dilemma; what the heck was I going to do about watching Pawn Stars for the next 3-5 days?
Suddenly I remembered that we had put an old TV in the room where the grand-kids were supposed to play their video games but never do because the Wii is hooked up to my HDTV. It still worked and although it was not HDTV, it was at least something that would have a picture and fill the room with sounds of people bartering for trivial items that they no longer wanted. So I unplugged it and carried it into the room and hooked it up and sat down with the remote and pressed the power button. Nothing happened. Of course, back in the day, that TV had its own remote and the one I was trying to use was for my HDTV and it was not the same thing. So I got up and walked across the room and pushed the power button on the front of the TV and lo and behold, it came on. So I sat down and grabbed the remote and began to change channels only to find that this same remote that would not power the TV on, would also not change the channels. So I got up and walked across the room and pressed another button on the front of the TV and found something to watch. Pawn Stars was not on.
Back in the day, we use to have to get up and walk across the room to adjust everything on a TV. This sucks. I wish we had bought a smaller house back in the day now. Perhaps one that was so small the TV sat right next to my recliner. Then I wouldn’t have to get up to turn the TV on or turn to another station. Then, I was ready to go to bed and grabbed the remote to turn off the TV and guess what? Back in the day, we had to get up and walk across the room to turn the TV off.
Back in the day, that was the best TV money could buy. But today the picture quality is horrible. Back in the day, we had a remote that worked for it but now I think it has been taken on to TV heaven. I can’t wait to get my new power supply board and have my HDTV working again. I will sit back with my remote and turn it on and change the channel and watch Pawn Stars and when it is time for bed I will remotely turn it off from the comfort of my recliner and remember that time, back in the day, when I had to get up and walk across the room to turn it on, off, and change channels. Some things just need to stay, back in the day.
June 15, 2012
One week from today is when I head to Cuba for my mission trip. I can’t tell you how excited I am to be going back and how appreciative I am to all who helped to make it possible. Over the past few months my church and my friends have helped me to raise the money needed to go and with my personal obligations added to it, it has provided all of the expenses of the trip. THANKS!!!
We leave next Friday and I am taking the week off before I go to tie up loose ends and spend a little time with my wife. Because of this I will probably not do any more blogs until I return. Once back, I hope to share some amazing stuff about my trip. There is so much that I hope that will happen that I may need the whole week when I return to tell everything. But until then, this is it.
So here are some things that you can do while I am not blogging.
1. Go back and read my blogs that have made you mad in the past. This will give you a chance to see if you were just having a bad day. It will also let you reconsider why you may have disagreed with me. I am sure that I was right and you were either having a bad day or need to change your mind.
2. Go back and post something nice in response to my blogs that you originally ripped me apart on. I don’t expect you to apologize, but you can at least say nice things, especially since I am going out of country. Those of you who write mean responses to my blogs probably do it out of frustration because you know that I am right and this will give you a chance to say that.
3. Go back and read my blogs that you liked and write another raving review. Maybe you liked my blog so much that it left you speechless the first time and now you have had time to think of something wonderful to say about my blog and/or me.
4. Send my blogs out to everyone that you think will enjoy reading them. I like having people follow my blogs. For a long time I blogged to myself and although I always thought they were brilliant, I finally got tired of writing the blog and the response.
5. Send my blogs out to everyone that you think will despise reading them. I enjoy those of you who get irritated almost as much as I enjoy the positive ones. By sending them stuff that irritates them, I am sure they will look for me when I get back with a sense of excitement as they can’t wait to tell me welcome home.
Finally, while I am gone, you can pray for my safe travels and that God is able to use me to help the folks of Cuba. No matter how much I know I irritate some of you, I still appreciate your reading my blogs. I love the positive feedback and the negative and I don’t take anything too seriously. But I do know the power of prayer and no matter who you are, I will accept your prayers and appreciate them. I look forward to my trip and even more to getting back to the greatest people in the greatest country in the world.
Thanks for all of your support, and God bless you all.
June 4, 2012
My last blog of last week was barely posted when I started getting replies. The very first reply was supportive and joking in response to my rebuttal of an article that I read on how we would have people living on Mars by 2023. So I could not wait to see more replies. Much to my surprise, they began to get nasty. Imagine my feelings, as fragile as they are, and how they must have hurt with some of your responses. There must have been a disconnect between the humor and sarcasm toward the article that I was writing about and the people who thought that I was being hateful and disrespectful to “green” people and the occasional vegan. To those who had their feelings hurt and might have been offended, I am truly sorry and will be very careful to never offend little green men from Mars again. No, wait, I mean “green” people who think that batteries are somehow better for the environment than my gas guzzling truck, which I love.
To the vegans who were offended or had their feelings hurt; I am truly sorry and will be very careful to never offend little green men from Mars again.
My dad once told me that if you had to explain a joke then it was not a good one or that you told it bad. My dad left off another possibility…Maybe the audience is too stupid, no that isn’t how you spell what I am trying to say. Umm, Maybe the audience is too self righteous…no that isn’t how to say what I am trying to spell. Well never mind. I guess some people just don’t appreciate or can not understand my supreme intellect when dealing in humor or they are too focused on themselves to be able to understand sarcasm. Either way, it was a fabulous blog filled with great jokes and sarcasm.
I love “green” people. I once sent a whole box of batteries to a the recycling place after I found out they don’t work if you mix them in the gas tank of your lawn mower. See, two attempts at being green in one failure. I even give some of my tax money to support the two electric recharging stations that are at the county park and no one can park there except people who own electric cars. I have seen one parked there in the months since they were installed. I am not sure if it is because people can’t afford electric cars or can’t afford to drive them after paying way too much for them or maybe they ran out of battery power before they got to their free electric charging station that I am helping pay for. You know, I was just thinking, I bet the won’t have that problem on Mars.
I love vegans too. In fact we have one that comes to our church. She is so cute when she gets angry. But I checked with her and she said that everything that I said in my blog was perfectly said and that she wouldn’t change a thing. At least that is what I think I heard her say. But I would have no problem with a meatless Mars; seriously.
I am glad that I got to clear all of this up and everyone is now happy again. I knew it only take one more blog to fix what you were thinking. Thanks for being so patient with me and for understanding. I do feel much better now. So to celebrate I am getting in my truck and driving to the farthest store in town that sells beef jerky and I am going to come home and eat it while I crank the AC down a few degrees so that I can enjoy it after I finish running all of that bad gas out of my lawn mower.
One last thing…I heard absolutely no complaints from talking robots, Klingons, or Romulans. I appreciate them more and more with every blog.
May 22, 2012
Today I got to eat lunch with my son, his wife, and my 10 month old grandson. When we went into the restaurant everyone was making a big fuss about how cute the baby is. The hostess even said that he looked like me. That explains the whole cute thing, doesn’t it? I guess bald people all kinda look-alike. He has some hair, but it is so fine that he looks almost bald. Bald is cute, that is why I do it.
When I tried to tell the hostess, who first said that he looked like me and then said he is so cute, that he gets his cuteness from me, she snickered and then walked away.
Then the food came and his mom was breaking little pieces of stuff and giving it too him. He picked up a lot of food, but little made it into his mouth. I believe that it was a game for him. I looked on the floor and it looked like someone had blown up a firecracker in a plate of food under his high chair. I kept thinking, “how cute is that?” If I had made that kind of mess, my wife, the kids, and the hostess would have all asked me to leave. But because he is 10 months old, he can get away with it. Where is our president on this issue? Where is the fairness now?
Because he had missed his mouth so many times in the supposed attempt to feed himself, (I personally think he did it on purpose), dad had to feed him some “food” from a jar. I am not sure that this stuff is food. If it is, it looks as if it is being food again for the 2nd or 3rd time. It was this green stuff that would have better been served on an episode of Fear Factor. Several times I looked over at the kid and thought that I might produce my own green stuff. He had it all over his face. It looked like perhaps someone had blown up a firecracker in this tub of green stuff and help the kid’s face over it as it exploded. Some of it was even up his nose. I kept asking myself, where is the hostess now with all of her “he is so cute” talk. I know that if that is cute , he did not get it from me. The last time I had green stuff in my nose I was sick and no one thought I was cute.
Then the kid took both hands and smeared the green stuff all over his face. After that he grabbed his ears, rubbed his hair and tried to reach for me. At one point he even rubbed it in his eyes and I guess it was irritating because he kept on rubbing his eyes after that. All of this only took a minute or two. But to me it was like that time I had a wreck and everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Every time the green stuff was touched and then transferred to another part of the kids head, it seemed to be in super slow motion. And watching that green stuff just sit in his nose seemed like an eternity. Finally dad grabbed a baby wipe and cleaned him up. By then it was too late. The damage had been done. This kid who everyone was saying how cute he was had scarred me for life.
After he had finished “eating” and had been cleaned up, he had to come over and say good-bye to Mimi and Papa. Mimi is either a very sick individual or did not see the green stuff up his nose and over most of his face. I knew that there had to still be some of that stuff in his hair and was trying to see if I could find it, but Mimi was kissing him on that once green face and telling me to give him “good Bye” kisses. I could not find a spot on his face where I did not remember seeing the green stuff. So I closed my eyes and pretended to be kissing a fish that I was releasing.
As we were leaving, the hostess said “Good bye cutie”. I am not sure who she was talking to, me or the once green kid, but we both said good-bye to cover our bases. I thought to myself that she would not be so quick to call him cute once she went over to where we were sitting and saw the mess that the kid had made.
No one can be cute with green stuff up your nose.
May 16, 2012
Genesis 2:18 Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is right for him.”
God knew that man did not need to be alone and I got to thinking about that. What is wrong with us being alone? Here are a few scenarios that I came up with.
1. The garden of Eden would have had a man cave. Man caves are places where men don’t worry about things that women tell us not to do. In a man cave, if you need to pass gas, you just do it. You don’t need to blame the dog or a child. Adam would have had the dog there, and because there would not be a woman, there would have been no children. But we wouldn’t need children, because instead of blaming the dog, we would be competing with the dog. Not only the dog, but without a woman around we could bring in the hippos. What man has not dreamed about having a hippo submit to our superiority, especially when it comes to passing gas. I mean, if you can get that to happen, then it would be time to bring on the king of the beasts, the lions.
2. Not only could we pass gas as we please, but we could have our own horse racing in our man cave. I struggled with what sport to watch because without women there are no other guys, so that means no football, but God did make horses and the garden was big enough for the man cave to be whatever size man wanted it to be and therefore horse racing would be in high def. live in front of us. And if the horses make a mess, no one is around to tell us to clean it up right in the middle of a race. In fact, we could go out after the race to get some munchies and clean up the mess when ever we want to.
3. The garden would have female monkey mud wrestling. Some are thinking why not have this sport in the man cave? Duh…a man needs to go out every now and then. And if we are going out, can you think of anything better to do if the aren’t any women? I know it’s not the same as what some of you are used to, but you also don’t have a wife to get mad at you for going to female mud wrestling. And instead of dollars, they would do it for a banana and because you are in the garden of Eden you have plenty of those.
4. Because men like to fix things, and women like to complain about us not fixing things, or how we broke even worse what we were supposed to be fixing, we would walk around making lists of improvements that we would get around to doing. Everything that God made was good, that’s what the Bible says. But every man knows, that with a little tweaking, we can make anything better. I am not sure if God would actually let us fix anything, so a list would be the next best thing. Making “to do” lists is as good as fixing anything. Men feel like we have accomplished a lot when we have a big list of things to do. Here is a list of things to do in the garden, without woman.
Pull up all those flowers and plant trees that have vines hanging from them. They look more manly and we can later swing from them. But we would need to dig a big hole and fill it with water around some of the trees so we could jump off the vines into the water.
Next we would need to get rid of all those cats. Men just don’t need them. After all, the mice God created were good, so no need for cats.
Then someone has to figure out how the duck-billed platypus works. So we would start taking it apart as soon as we build a table and some shelves to put the left over parts on in case we need them for a later project.
Finally, we would get back to work on the man cave, because we are going to need a wall to put a TV on when they get invented. You know that without a woman, a man must have a TV, with remote.
Now you know why it is not good for man to be alone. Thanks God, for that woman you gave us.
March 16, 2012
My beautiful wife and I have been married a long time and one of the reasons is that we keep the romance alive. One of the ways we do this is by having regular date nights. Tonight is one of those and I am really excited about it. My one worry is that it is her night to plan it. Not that she doesn’t plan great things, but she usually has one thing in mind at the end of the date, and we know what I’m talkin’ ’bout. I guess it is a sacrifice that I will have to make.
Some of you are thinking some really weird things right now. I won’t even go into the details of what I know that you are thinking. What I will say is that your marriage could benefit from some of the same. It is sad that many marriages are lacking in this area. Couples much younger than us, are neglecting such an important part of their marriage. Why when we were in our twenties and thirties we use to do it for hours. Most of the time we would do it at home, but we were not afraid to do it in public. She actually likes to do it in public places. She says it shows everyone how lucky she is to have me. What can I say, I am blessed in that area.
I remember when we were first married, I thought everyone did it as much as we did. Many times we would do it several times a day and didn’t need a date night to start things going. Sometimes we would wake up and do it before we ever got out of bed. I use to love it when she would wake me up in the middle of the night for it. Wow, that just don’t happen enough anymore. One of my favorite places to do it was in the kitchen. One time we got into it so much that we forgot about the meal that was in the oven and had to go out to eat. Don’t get me wrong, we still do it in the kitchen, but now we use the microwave timer to keep us from forgetting about dinner.
Most people assume that this is something the pastor and his wife are naturally great at. Early in our ministry we would help couples to overcome some of their struggles in this area. It was always hard to get them to relax and be natural in front of us, but this was the best way that we felt we could help them. Sure they could have told us some of the struggles that they were having, but actually seeing it was best. We could politely interrupt and demonstrate what we do, then let them try it our way. Sometimes it was really funny when to watch the looks on their faces when we messed up. But most of the time our technique worked and both of them were satisfied.
God has blessed us with a great marriage and this one area is a major part of our happiness. I really think that if we weren’t so good at doing this, our marriage would not be so fulfilling. So that is one of the reasons we have date night. This is why she initiates it so often. Lets just say it bluntly. She loves it. Sometimes I swear, she can’t do it enough. I usually quit before she is ready to quit, but I let her finish while I just sit there. Thirty-two years together now and we still love to do it. Man, there is nothing like good conversation.
What were you thinking I was talking about?
March 14, 2012
Today in my neck of the woods it is a beautiful 80 degrees and sunny. Not bad for mid March in the south. There are all kinds of things that start happening as the warm weather begins. Today I am cutting the clover and onions and the patches of grass that are sprouting up. I really don’t mind cutting grass. It is a great time to not have to answer the phone if it rings and to do some thinking and praying. Most of the prayers end up asking God to eventually kill the grass and things that grow in my yard and replace them with cement.
After the grass is cut I am going to spray the weeds that grow through the concrete and pavement, reminding me that even if God answered my prayer, I would still have to cut grass and weeds. I have places in my yard where I have planted grass seed and fertilized the soil and watered it regularly and still have no grass. But everywhere I have cement or pavement, grass grows through it. I guess that I should just enjoy the time of no phone calls.
Next I will be spreading granules that are supposed to stop fire-ants and other bugs like fleas from taking over the yard. They work to keep the bugs down, but certainly don’t keep them away for the whole season. I already have more fire ant hills than I can count, so I have to treat them too with a fast acting granule. As I walk through the yard spreading this stuff I have to dodge bees. I don’t like bees and sadly there is not a spray for them that I can use to keep them away. While I am sitting on my back porch typing out this blog, I have had 3 wasps land on my leg and 4 bumble bees break the sound barrier as they flew past my head. So far I have not seen my worst enemy, the yellow jacket. Of all the creatures that God made, I dislike them the most.
If and when I get all this done I am going to get the motorcycle out and clean it up. Riding it for the first time in a few months is always exciting. I can enjoy the breeze in my face and the pollen being forced up my nose and if I am really lucky take out a few bees with my windshield. For some reason bugs have a way of finding their way around it to hit me in the arms, legs, and face. I don’t really mind because I enjoy the ride far too much to let little things like that bother me.
Warm weather always makes me glad that I live in the south. While so much of the country can still see snow or cold, we get to say good-bye to it a few weeks earlier. That means I can work on my farmer’s tan and get the sunburn out-of-the-way. Soon the wife will be laying out in her beach attire dreaming of the ocean and the sand and I get to enjoy the view! I love warm weather!
Now back to the yard work.
February 13, 2012
Last week I was off the blog scope as some of you may have noticed. What stinks is that I had a lot of really awesome and cool stuff to say. Now I forgot it all and I have to blog about why I did not blog all last week; I was sick.
I don’t go to the doctor very often. Before I do, I will try every home remedy possible and use the tried and true method of waiting to get better first. After raising 3 kids I have become pretty good at judging what is a cold or flu and what is just a simple bump or bruise versus the major stuff that needs doctors assistance. I became very good at looking at the back of a throat to see if it was just red or had little white bumps that meant Strep. Through the years I did not miss the call too often and even got to where I could look in the mirror with a flashlight and diagnose myself.
Monday of last week I woke up in the middle of the night with a fever and a headache. This lasted a couple of days then just as quickly as is came on me it left. The next morning though I noticed a tingling in my throat that later that day turned to a burning and then later it became difficult to swallow. So I grabbed my flashlight and went to the mirror and took a long look and all I saw was some redness. So I gargled with some salt water and took a few Advil and suffered through it. The next morning I could hardly swallow my own spit. Again I looked in the mirror with my flashlight and only saw red. So I did the last thing any man wants to do and that was call the wife to come have a look. As soon as she looked she said, “Oh yeah. You have strep.”
We argued for a minute about why I did not see the white bumps that she claims were covering my throat but she insisted that I go to the doctor no matter what I saw or didn’t see. The only reason that I agreed with her to go was that I was scheduled to leave the next day for a men’s retreat and we were gonna go snow tubing and I knew that I was not snow tubing with my throat hurting that bad.
Once at the doctor’s office, I told the doctor that I did not see anything that looked like strep, but my wife said she did. I told her that I want to be safe and that I had to travel the next day. She, the doctor, told me that looking for the white spots was not a foolproof way to know if it was strep or not but it was the normal most of the time. So she grabs the wooden stick and crams it down my throat and starts to laugh. “What white spots did you not see? You throat is covered in them.”
How could I miss this? I looked several times. My diagnostic skills had never been questioned like this before. This was devastating.
After the exam and the test came back quickly with a positive, the doctor showed me the stick that she used to test me with. It looked like a pee test strip and she asked me if I saw the three lines. She said normally there is one, maybe two lines that indicate a positive, but this one had three. I looked at the strip and did not see a thing. The doctor then asks, “Do you wear glasses?”
So tomorrow I have my very first eye doctors appointment. Things just didn’t look that bad.