Life on Mars

by pastortimfowler

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WARNING<<<The following blog should be read at your own risk and the writer is not responsible for any blown gaskets and strokes that it may cause>>>
I just read an article that says by 2023 there will be humans living on Mars. I have a hard time getting too excited about this because when I was a kid we were told that we would be there before the year 2000. In fact, we were supposed to have flying cars and robots that clean the house and talk to you. I don’t know how many remember this but 2001: A Space Odyssey was a 1968 movie and everyone knew that space would be home for humans.
The Jetsons had flying cars and a talking robot that cleaned their house. They didn’t have to walk anywhere because all the sidewalks moved. They didn’t even have to dress themselves because the robotic arms did it for them. They all worked at either Spacely’s Sprockets or Cogwell’s Cogs and the only had to push buttons because everything else was automated.
Star Trek had us living in deep space just a hundred years from now. We will have Vulcan friends who only deal with things logically. It won’t be as nice as what the Jetsons have because of the new enemies we will have; Klingons and Romulans. But there will be some incredible green woman who takes control of you because of their pheromones. My wife will have a hard time with that one, but because she loves me, I think she would paint herself green to keep me happy.
Lost in Space was another show that told of deep space human habitation. They too had a robot that talked even though it looked like a trash can with drier ducts as arms. Most of what they dealt with seemed to be monsters if I remember correctly. I really didn’t care for that future as much as I did the Jetsons.
I always thought that before we could travel into outer space to set up colonies that we needed to be visited by little green men. I know that many think that we already have been visited, but I mean where everyone knows it and they have like an embassy here or they have completely taken over and made us slaves. I personally believe that aliens do visit here on a regular basis. They do this when children turn 13 and they suck their brains out. This happened to each of my children.
I hope that we do get to build a colony on Mars. I would love to start a church there and send many of my “favorite” members there. They could help start the church the way they want it and I would be back here on earth where I could care less how screwed up things get. And all the “green people”, not the aliens who visit us, but the ones who say we are destroying this planet, can move to Mars and make sure that we don’t destroy it too. Maybe they all could move there and give up on earth and then I could burn coal and drive my truck in peace.
Sadly, I think all my vegan friends would move there too. Because there are no animals on Mars, they could only take plants for food and they could all live happily ever after while I stay here and eat bacon and other delicious meat products, cooked over my coal powered stove. I would be glad to send my share of most vegetables with them as my sacrifice to their happiness. With Vegans and “green people” living on Mars, then we would have more room for people who want to have large cook outs with burgers, hot dogs, and ribs, all covered in bacon.
I feel better now that I have come to grips with reality. My next deep space project will be to find a place where politicians can go. Oh wait, I think you already know where that might be.

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2 Comments to “Life on Mars”

  1. Love it! My thunk exactly brother!

  2. OK Tim, so really, what’s your beef here?

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