Green Stuff Up Your Nose

by pastortimfowler

Today I got to eat lunch with my son, his wife, and my 10 month old grandson. When we went into the restaurant everyone was making a big fuss about how cute the baby is. The hostess even said that he looked like me. That explains the whole cute thing, doesn’t it? I guess bald people all kinda look-alike. He has some hair, but it is so fine that he looks almost bald. Bald is cute, that is why I do it.
When I tried to tell the hostess, who first said that he looked like me and then said he is so cute, that he gets his cuteness from me, she snickered and then walked away.
Then the food came and his mom was breaking little pieces of stuff and giving it too him. He picked up a lot of food, but little made it into his mouth. I believe that it was a game for him. I looked on the floor and it looked like someone had blown up a firecracker in a plate of food under his high chair. I kept thinking, “how cute is that?” If I had made that kind of mess, my wife, the kids, and the hostess would have all asked me to leave. But because he is 10 months old, he can get away with it. Where is our president on this issue? Where is the fairness now?
Because he had missed his mouth so many times in the supposed attempt to feed himself, (I personally think he did it on purpose), dad had to feed him some “food” from a jar. I am not sure that this stuff is food. If it is, it looks as if it is being food again for the 2nd or 3rd time. It was this green stuff that would have better been served on an episode of Fear Factor. Several times I looked over at the kid and thought that I might produce my own green stuff. He had it all over his face. It looked like perhaps someone had blown up a firecracker in this tub of green stuff and help the kid’s face over it as it exploded. Some of it was even up his nose. I kept asking myself, where is the hostess now with all of her “he is so cute” talk. I know that if that is cute , he did not get it from me. The last time I had green stuff in my nose I was sick and no one thought I was cute.
Then the kid took both hands and smeared the green stuff all over his face. After that he grabbed his ears, rubbed his hair and tried to reach for me. At one point he even rubbed it in his eyes and I guess it was irritating because he kept on rubbing his eyes after that. All of this only took a minute or two. But to me it was like that time I had a wreck and everything seemed to be going in slow motion. Every time the green stuff was touched and then transferred to another part of the kids head, it seemed to be in super slow motion. And watching that green stuff just sit in his nose seemed like an eternity. Finally dad grabbed a baby wipe and cleaned him up. By then it was too late. The damage had been done. This kid who everyone was saying how cute he was had scarred me for life.
After he had finished “eating” and had been cleaned up, he had to come over and say good-bye to Mimi and Papa. Mimi is either a very sick individual or did not see the green stuff up his nose and over most of his face. I knew that there had to still be some of that stuff in his hair and was trying to see if I could find it, but Mimi was kissing him on that once green face and telling me to give him “good Bye” kisses. I could not find a spot on his face where I did not remember seeing the green stuff. So I closed my eyes and pretended to be kissing a fish that I was releasing.
As we were leaving, the hostess said “Good bye cutie”. I am not sure who she was talking to, me or the once green kid, but we both said good-bye to cover our bases. I thought to myself that she would not be so quick to call him cute once she went over to where we were sitting and saw the mess that the kid had made.
No one can be cute with green stuff up your nose.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: