Archive for December 15th, 2011

December 15, 2011

Elves on Shelves

by pastortimfowler

It is the latest twist on Christmas chaos, the Elf on the Shelf. My wife even sent me a link to a “Christian version” of it. I am assuming that because she titled the email “blog”, that she wanted me to blog about it, and, since I take other crazy ideas from other crazy people, I guess I should give this a try. But let me say this: If anyone gets upset with me over this one, you are a sick person and you need another hobby besides taking my blogs too seriously.
Why do we need an elf on the shelf? Santa knows if you’ve been bad or good and he doesn’t need no stinkin’ elf to tattle on kids. Its bad enough that you have to worry about that little snitch of a brother or sister, and now an elf? As a former kid, I look at it as an invitation to use firecrackers, like the ones I used on Barbie. And you know what? Barbie never snitched on me or GI Joe again.
My fear with this is 2 fold. First, the possibility that this will catch on and start running year round and taking more money out of the pockets of dads who really just want to keep kids and wives from whining when they could be spending it on a new fishing rod. Second is the fact that too many Christians get their panties in a wad about silly things, including elves on shelves, and feel like they have to do a “Christian” version of everything. They take a plastic Mary and Joseph and they “travel” all around the house. So is it better to lie about elves telling on you or Mary and Joseph traveling around your house?
Look: We have enough Christmas junk as it is. Between trees and lights and wreaths and stockings, and mistletoe, and Rudolf and baby Jesus with all the animals, why do we need anything else? I don’t have room in my attic for that much stuff and by the time I get it all out and put it up around the house, it is time to take it down and try to get it back into the attic. I quit drinking years ago and this, I fear, could cause others to start.
I don’t like elves on shelves and I don’t like the traveling plastic parents of Jesus. It is just one more thing to distract from the true meaning of Christmas and fill our kid’s heads with confusing stories of what the Grinch really stole. However, I do invite the Grinch to steal all the elves and traveling plastic parents of Jesus if they were to ever find their way to my house.
Merry Christmas.