Archive for June 7th, 2011

June 7, 2011

I Need My Wife

by pastortimfowler

Yesterday I wrote a blog about why God does not need a wife. Some of you responded with weak attempts to say that perhaps He really did, but you are forgiven. On the other hand, I do need a wife and this should give you just as much ammo to respond, but I am ready for it.
For those of you who don’t know, I am married to a really hot blond. Most of you who read this know me and your immediate response is probably, “Duh…look at you, your wife has to be hot.” Thanks, I know, I am beautiful and deserving of such a woman. But this is not about me, totally.
When God created man, He allowed Adam to see and name every animal on earth in hopes that he would pick something already created as a partner for life. Adam did not find anything and forced God to create woman. Adam could have made life easier for all men, but I just don’t know what he was thinking. I know that he was probably leaning toward a dog or a horse, these two have been close to man and important for all of time. I might have picked the aardvark because they look pretty cool. But somehow I think that Adam was thinking, “If Tim is going to have a hot blond wife one day, I need to think outside the box.”
God told Adam that the woman would be his helper in life and that they would be one flesh. Because I have to agree with God, let me tell you why I need a wife.

I need a wife because I don’t know everything. This is hard to admit, but I know it is true because she tells me so. As part of me, she should know. Whenever I get lost because I don’t know where I am going, she tells me where to go. Sometimes she tells me where to go when I am not even planning to go anywhere.
I need a wife because it teaches me how to be frugal. Because of her, I don’t need a big bed to sleep in, I have learned to be satisfied with the edge of the bed and only one leg partially covered.
I need a wife because men are pigs. We are perfectly happy living in dirt and eating from boxes and cans. We wouldn’t bathe often if it weren’t for a wife. No one would tell us how bad we smell and we would be fine with that.
I need a wife to tell me how to act in public. It really doesn’t matter that God designed our bodies to produce gasses and gave us a couple of different ways to vent them. Those things should only be done in the privacy of our homes and when the wife is not around.
I need a wife because I can’t find anything without her. Even things that she never touched often move themselves to places that we would never put them and a wife knows where these places are.
I need a wife to tell me that I fish too much. I am very fortunate that there are times that my wife tells me to go fishing. (This is part of me not knowing everything and being told what I need) But left to myself, I would fish most of the time and she tells me when I have had enough.
The same is true about eating. I need a wife to tell me when I have had enough and after I have eaten to wipe the food from my chin and mouth.
We all know that God blessed women with the ability to give birth to children. I need a wife to remind me how children are made and how I must act if I want to practice that activity.
This is not a complete list of why I need a wife. There is not enough time in the day to list them all. After all, she tells me that I don’t spend enough time listening to her and doing what I am told. But I have learned from God’s word that I have a responsibility to give her what she needs. I am to love her as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for it. So I give. I give her my undivided attention when she is helping me understand why I need her. I give her my undying love because she gives me a firm warning that I can be replaced with a cat. I hate the thought of a cat in my house, so I love her.
I know that I am blessed to have and have had for 31 years, a beautiful and caring wife who completes me and even loves me back. She is a very blessed woman who appreciates what God has given her and in return I don’t make near as many mistakes with her as I would have made without her. To sum it all up, I need my wife.

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