Archive for April 1st, 2011

April 1, 2011

No Idea

by pastortimfowler

Yesterday I posted on Facebook a request to get some suggestions for blog topics. I received 2. One was from a girl named Kim, so that explains why I will probably not use that one, (love you Kim). The other was about why people have no idea what they want me to blog about. (thanks TJ). So here you go.
People have no Idea what I should blog about because of my immense mental capacity and the ability to tell people what they need to hear at the perfect time. When I was born, the doctors were amazed that my head was not bigger. The size of my brain is incredible. The only explanation for my normal sized head was that my brain is so densely packed into my head. There is even a slight gravitational pull around my head because of it. It was said then that I would most like need to become one of the greatest bloggers mankind has ever known in order to allow an outlet for the tremendous thoughts that would flow from this oversized brain.
I rarely ask questions that I don’t already have the answer for. Usually I asked them to allow others to be able to say things that normally they would want me to say. Giving answers to questions of people with mere normal sized brains is what I consider an act of compassion.
I know that because I do not release my blogs at any specific time of day, this causes most of you to sit in front of your computer or even have your smart phone with you 24/7. There have been reports of people not eating or sleeping and some who have decided to hire someone to monitor all electronic sources for the moment that my blog posts. This could be assumed to be flattering, but I consider it necessary. After all, if you have no suggestions for what I should blog about, I must be feeding you your every thought and providing a need rather than a want.
When I married my wife, I knew that she needed my help. Her family rejoiced as her father gave her away. The pastor at our wedding gave her the vows to say and then paused to only look and listen as I told my wife what she needed to hear in my own vows. After the nearly 10 minute standing ovation, the wedding was over and many wanted a copy of what I said in writing. Of course I refused, because I had not started blogging yet.
What you probably don’t know is that I invented blogging, shortly after that. Because of my humility I let others blog first. Doctors have always been amazed at my humility, considering my massive brain could easily allow me to impress most everyone.
I know what you are saying…”But I am impressed!!” That is not my problem. I am still humble despite everyone who is awe of me, mostly due to my blogging skills and my massive brain.
Blogging has now been elevated to an art form according to most of you who read my blogs. Many are wanting it to become an Olympic event, despite that fact that I would be the only real competitor. Others has petitioned to have a national day honoring my blogs, but no one can decide which day not to honor it.
To all this I say, here is your blog for today. Read it. Love it. Even though you have no idea what I should blog about, be of good cheer, because…
I know what you need to read.